Warning: Long Post.

Today has been such a hectic day. It was AS USUAL, school in the AM, assembly and stuff in the PM and tuition in the Evening. and yep, i didnt get a single homecooked meal at all today. NOT ONE. how sad.

Anyway, the day, started off really emo-ishly. no i dont usually use the word EMO to describe things, but i cant seem to find any other word to use. thus, the use of EMO.

i've been relatively reclusive and anti-social lately. please forgive me.

After the normal school hours, it finally hit me at how far behind i am on homework. I began to panic of course. I made up my mind to do all i can.

Finally, in the evening, i had my tuition. It made me cheerful again, and i laughed, really laughed, for the first time this week. It felt good. I enjoyed it thoroughly. After tuition was when my nightmare began...

So i met up with my dad at Cold Storage. I simply got a few dollars to go buy food. I bought food, and waited, but only for a while. it was already past 9pm i think. thus i began my dinner, and ended my dinner, by. my. self.

It was painful.

after though, my dad began lecturing me on how i've been so spoilt. and everything else. How i should be taking care of mum. How i could be so selfish as to only care about homework. (which is so not true. because not doing homework = detention(most cases) = not being able to go home to help out. so seriously, caring about homework is equvalent to caring about everything else. Now, the 20minute lecture in which you could not walk away, because you're in a car, began.

The lecture simply consists of these things
1. How "badly" i've been acting.
2. How i could have been and SHOULD be useful at home.
3. How serious my mom's condition is (im not a little kid so you dont have to tell me.)

That's the main overview, but of course, things get added here and there.

It ended, with me literally hyperventilating, and seriously could not breathe. And yes, tears were running down my cheeks, CONTINUOUSLY.

I know, my dad's main goal wasnt really to make me feel bad. But i seriously had to cry because i was so stressed out already (netball, school work, at home stuff, exams, piano..) that it was hard to maintain. You may say im now emotionally unstable, which i think is an okay way to say it. I dont mind.

My dad said i could have approached him. I told him, how could i, if he mostly just made me feel worse? i knew i couldnt open up to him. Nor to any of my friends, for they have never been in a similar situation, and the best they could do is just to say, DONT CRY, which totally doesnt help MUCH, but it most definitely is better than nothing.

I now resolve to be a better
person, to learn to control my emotions, to learn to manage my time better, to
trust more people, to know who to go to when in need. Yes, these are my
resolutions and i intend to follow them.

Now for some really important thanks.
Thanks to HUIXIAN, for guessing my code.
Thanks to MY TUITION BUDDIES for cheering me up, even if i felt sad after.
Thanks to MY PHONE for letting me contact my friends.
Thanks to ALPHONSO for encouraging me, and letting me dump everything onto him.im so sorry.but thanks loads LOADS for listening.truee friend:)
Thanks to MY GROUPMATES(in all projects) for lightening the load, because we're all in this together.

You know i love you all so much.

i'm waiting for Prince Charming to finally realise. thats my goal. i hope that he will be the type of guy who would help me through my tough situations. he's already near to my heart, yet i still wonder if he knows that we should be more than just friends. maybe. just maybe.