OMG MY PHONE IS CONFISCATED.

how the hell am i going to live without it??

And the BEST part *rolls eyes* about it getting confiscated is the STORY behind its confiscation.

The other night, on Tuesday, my dad came into the room and told me to stop playing the piano and go to bed. And i was finishing up on playing this really awesome piece that i finally was able to play properly. So when i stood up, i kinda stamped my feet on the floor. As in, happily ya know, cause i managed to play the piece...? And my dad thought i was throwing a tantrum. So he was like, "WHATS WRONG WITH YOU! WHY ARE YOU THROWING A TANTRUM HUH?" which generally translates to, "ni bu shuang ah?!"

I WAS NOT THROWING A FIT.

Then, since i couldnt reply within his 30 second time frame, he got madER and was like, "NEXT TIME YOU THROW A FIT, IM GONNA PUNCH YOU TILL YOUR MOUTH BLEEDS. I DONT CARE. YOU BETTER LEARN SOME RESPECT." this was all said in Tagalog, of course. I was just stunned.

Why? Because i was trying to find words to tell him i wasnt throwing a fit, and because... Because... BECAUSE he threatened to punch me... And you know what was running through my head? "he doesnt love me."

THANK GOD. For once, im happy that my mom was around. She fought with my dad, telling him it was wrong to hit a girl, and that NO, don't do anything rash. (because i had exams) My dad came to me - strode up to me - and was like "I DONT CARE IF YOU HAVE EXAMS OR NOT. NEXT TIME, NEXT TIME YOU'RE GONNA GET IT FROM ME. I. DONT. CARE." [readers i am not exaggerating. i am NOT.]

and holy shit. okay. i am VERY sick and tired of my own home. i get constant nagging everyday. And, not only that, the slightest mistake of my actions could result in a slap or something. Which is why i tend to lock myself up anywhere there's a lock, e.g. my bathroom. And i just CRY. I've lost the one place a normal person would find solace - my home.

Let me elaborate on the slightest mistake. For example, if my dad is talking to me and like, i roll my eyes -not at him but i "rolled" it to look at another direction..- he would get seriously mad and think im rude. And i might get a slap. And that results in a no-conversation barrier between us for one day.

You guys, i am not exaggerating. This is my life everyday. So i have to watch my emotions, watch my words, watch my tone, watch my actions. And you know what, sometimes i feel like my whole life at home is just an act. I have to act like the perfect daughter to the strictest parents in the world. I have to act like the super clean, dont say "shit". dont make too much noise kind of kid. THATS MY LIFE AT HOME. And if i dont follow the rules, well then, that results in a punishment, and a lecture, and my treasured possessions taken away from me.

WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THIS. guys, i dont know why im suddenly opening up, but since i already have, will you please please PLEASE help me.

sometimes i just wanna run away from it all. sometimes i just wanna run into your arms and cry my troubles away....