I think i figured out one or two of my problems.

You see, i really need something to hold me together,
or atleast to distract me from all my worries and try to ease the pain.


The planner/organizer obviously didn't help, and neither did any of my hobbies.
The cons of being able to multitask, sigh.

But then it struck me the other night, as i was wondering who to call to spill everything to.
It struck me like a big fat jet plane.



I needed someone to hold on to.



I've never had that someone ever before, totally atleast,
because well, i never did.


Yes, i have this bestfriend i've known for years,
but sorry hun, you aint always reliable. Sometimes, i don't even get replies on text messages,
much less pick up your phone. You always forget to call back, to reply, and the first few naive years, i forgave you. But now, (blank), no one can be that forgetful. And we always argued, remember those letters we passed? You know, i wrote those with tears mostly, at night, wondering really, how we could stand each other all these years. I'm wondering that now.
And i realise the answer to that is, it's easy to push past the differences between us when we're having fun, when we're in good moods. But once the moodswing strikes, sometimes, i really can't stand you. But for the sake of all our good times, i'm still hanging in there. For old times' sake, for once, can you see that i'm depending on you to be my rock, my cornerstone, my bestfriend.

But you aren't there.

It's like a knife into my heart.
I freefall out of the sky, expecting you to catch me.
But you're miles and miles away,
and i drop dead.


And then i watched Wizards Of Waverly Place.
The two girls, really really looked out for each other.
Of course that's a Disney fantasy, but it could be made real.
Why NOT ?


So then, that's when i realized, i didn't have that friend close by.
I don't have any sisters nor relatives close enough to confide to either,
so where am i supposed to go?


I turn to the one person who's already had enough trouble in her life.
Myself.

I just need a friend,
a friend i can confide in,
a friend who's there 24/7,
a friend who is similar to me.

This is really self-destructing.


And i realised another problem.
Maybe because i'm a nosy person, or i just care too much.

See throughout this whole economic crisis, i've really begun to pay attention to money, savings, etc. And mostly, i worry about where i'm gonna go to for college. Because i want to excel, i want to succeed, I want what's best for me.

Bottomline : These aren't things a girl my age should worry about.

But i still do so.
And, it's confusing and all, but i try to manage.
Because partly i WANT to, and partly cause i feel like i have to.

And it just gives me a huge headache.
That i want to keep, but bring down to a smaller level.


All these stupid problems i've had for so long, i've finally found the WHY in them.
But HOW to change these ?
Yes, well, i don't know.

That's it.


And just a little side-note...

Those of you who know my First and Last name,
PLEASE PLEASE don't go around screaming it to get my attention.
It's not that hard finding a girl with my name in this place.


This is for my own privacy, and security reason so please,



Next time i'm walking down the street, just call my name, and not my full name.
Next time you want to leave a tag that really catches my attention, USE A DIFFERENT COLOR FROM EVERYONE ELSE.



you can call me Anna.
but no more than that in public places.

Thank you.


goodnight everyone.