currently listening to : THE ALL-AMERICAN REJECTS


So lately, i've been feeling slightly overwhelmed.

And with just that sentence, the one reader reading this would immediately think, "THEN GET OFF THE COMPUTER ANNA!".


and now you're nodding your head, cause you know i just read your mind.


ANYWAY, point is, i have been feeling overworked, overwhelmed, just OVER-EVERYTHING.


Coach just told me, and only me, that my position in the school team is shakey.

It could only mean one thing.
I'M NOT DOING WHAT IS EXPECTED OF ME.

but i can't push myself any further...
I'm trying my best.
I'm really worried because this isn't the first time he's told me...
I don't know what else i can do to please the team, please my coach.


I can't stay up like most people late into the night studying, because i would lose out during the day cause i'll keep falling asleep.

but if i rest early, i'll lose out on study time. And eventually my studies.

UGH.



My time management is crap, and no workshop will change that.




I don't know what to do anymore.
Where to focus my energy on, and at what time.


and here's my brilliant plan...
Turn into a super antisocial person who does nothing but mugmugmug during her free time.


but that's just not me!
I need FUN, EXCITEMENT.


which brings me to how everything i go through everyday has become monotonous and boring.

ROUTINE.

i know that's how life is supposed to be, but even little things like walking a different way home is a surprise, a change.

i'm really tired already, there's no more steam to keep this engine going.
and the same routine everyday is just making it worse.

just a little change.
try a little change.



and i found out i share something really important with hsintung, which i don't want to share with her.
(because it might put a strain on our friendship)
i don't know what to do.

• i don't know if i should pursue it, because i don't even know what to do with my current situation, ahemahem.
• and it would be slightly easier to LET IT GO, if we knew what the other side wants too.

right hsintung?



i shall stop moaning and whining now like a kid and just tell you all that ANDREW CHUA really sounds like a donkey sometimes.


EEYOOOORREEEEE.