My current PM says : "wants to throw something really hard at something else".

And then, all of a sudden, there's this huge concern as to what the hell pissed me off so much.


I can't honestly say what it was, because frankly, I don't know what it was either. It's just, everything seems to piss me off these days.

Faulty internet connections, faulty speakers, faulty dvd players....

Seem to have built up a pattern have we? Faulty stuff pisses me off then.



But honestly, that PM had nothing to do with being pissed off.



If you have seen me in school recently, I have been ridiculously hopping about (especially on stairs) with this large bandage called a knee-guard on my (where else) knee. And with the injury of one's knee, comes great disadvantage.
For example, no sports.
Without sports, I have no way to release excess energy. And honestly, I can't even dance about on the spot too vigurously or whatever because my knee just can't take it.

terrible.


So, as I was saying, no sports, no activities, means a lot of excess energy.

And i really really really want to use all that energy at one go, but I can't.

Sigh.



And now i have to see a physio-therapist.
Not now, sometime. This week.


sigh.

The average person laughs 23 times a day.

How you define times, is beyond me.

I'd say, one time is when you start to laugh and when you stop.

Example : if i said a joke and you laughed, that's once. and then you pause and take a break, but you're still thinking about that joke, so you laugh again. that's twice.

Generally, I laugh alot, so I'm probably not your average person.


Just this afternoon, I went with Roi (or Roi went with me) to the MRT station so he could take the MRT home and I could top-up the value in my card.

(see how it's compromise?)

Anyway, just that half and one hour would probably have been equated into the average 23 times of laughter.

Now add that to the rest of my day.
and the fact that I can find the beauty and joy in a hella lot of things.

Am I not a ridiculously life-enjoying, fun-loving happy person?




Yes I am. :D

I also have to study for a geography test on Friday so. toodles~

NOTE : the following post is not in relation to anyone in particular, atleast, not to the general public. but to me, yes, these are real events, slightly exaggerated in the interest of literature, but real enough.



Weekend #1

He did the look-back. He did the LOOK-BACK. What's the look-back you'd ask.

You've got no time, no space to say.
You turn to follow the crowd,
then back to face him or her,
try to send a message with thine eyes,
unable to look away.

But time constraints and social expectations do not permit such open displays of words. So you do the look-back and hope he/she gets your secret message.


it's special.


it's special when you both get the same message.

And so you did the look-back.
Then you had to pull away, and I had to protect my dignity by walking away.

But inside, you've got my heart pounding like a million drums. I would've skipped away, but for fear of judgement in such a judgemental world, why would I?

the look-back.

the first.




weekend #2

Though the sun had set, and night was quickly falling, how different would it be than the first?

A little more different.

Number one was a "hope we meet again".

No, this was "I'm so sorry. I wished we had the time. But now I have to leave."

A hurried glance,
a last-ditch attempt at making yourself heard.
But you've been so vague,
and the doors were closing fast.

The look-back number two.

Not so much a heart-warming event. It was a sinking, emptying feeling.



I've lost.

You've lost.

We're lost to the world.




the look back number two.






you're both so special, in very different ways.

Okay so i've been meaning to post this up for a really really really long while now, but everytime I open up blogger, i realise i need music to think, and then i get distracted with all my music and i end up not doing this in the end.

sorry guys.


ANYWAY, pictures of my birthday are on my facebook and bea's. so go check 'em out (:


THANKS to all those who gave me presents and wished me happy birthday!

I'm really honestly glad I didn't post up a wishlist, or even wish for anything beforehand, cause I got all sorts of lovely surprises from everyone (:

First present was Vanessa's though, early in the morning. A thick wad of paper from her journal/diary planner thing that she hadn't let me see for a week or two.
She actually slammed the book on my hand when I tried to sneak a peek.

And let me tell you, V's not actually violent EVER, so that was a surprise (:

However if you do count the new rollerblades that my parents got me two weeks prior, and the guitar they got me half a week early, then yeahh, she's the third (:

AND, all of ya'll got me really cool creative stuff that really seemed to fit into my non-existent wishlist so thanks so much!



Now then, on to more serious matters. what else is this blog for???


Serious serious matters, that's what.


Anyways, lately i've been feeling kind of blue again, but not for the reasons as before.
For the first time in a long time, i'm feeling out of purpose ):

I've been feeling this coming along for a while, kind of like, i'm barely doing anything for SC or the class or netball that's really specifically MY job, and then i'm feeling pretty useless.
Or I see people who are of a lower level (in terms of status/title) than me, and the higher-ups are approaching them instead of me.

i feel like i'm losing the opportunities to prove myself worthy.

no purpose at all.

and then i realised i've been slacking off, losing everyone's favor.

it's like those courtiers (1500s) and the courtesans(?) of Paris back in the day. Not do well enough, or not do enough at all, and you lose out.

simple.

and mind you, i was feeling pretty bitter and jealous at today's National Day celebration. Just staring and staring at the hosts and wondering if i even had the chance to get up there.

it's really like everyone's lost faith, lost trust, lost purpose in me.

and then I feel disappointment and frustration at myself, because I lose out on opportunities to prove to others that I am capable. And i don't know WHY i'm losing out!

ughhh,

People in school whom i used to talk to, we've drifted apart sure, but some really really really went all the way away.

I don't get it.

did i do something? or did i say something? or did i not do anything which is why they've gone?



I don't like this.
not one bit.



PARTIES ON THE WEEKEND BABY

Hey people!

i had an awesome party yesterday.
thanks everyone for coming and hope those who came had fun! :D


haha i can't post photos now, cause i don't have them in this laptop, but they're on facebook so go check 'em out!


anyway, gosh, i feel really REALLY tired and uninspired.
once again.

sinking into boredom and stupor.



oh well. confused. ):